Never would I....

Okay, so I got this idea from my BFF Sarah, who is really good at this, and now I'm going to try it, so here goes:

I am not late to work every day. As a matter of fact, I did not roll into the office today at my usual appearance time...9:30. I probably will not be leaving early today too because I just don't do that. I am not trying to lose weight because my butt is not too big. I don't miss my husband when he does not work all the time. And a few months ago when he was not not working, I surely didn't wish he would go back to work. I never badmouth my clients either because they are not mostly idiots and they NEVER lie to me. Why lie? Lying to your attorney doesn't create any additional unnecessary work when she has all the time in the world for that. And even though I've worked here for almost four years, I would never expect that my newest client will inevitably lie to me.

If this is bad, I didn't do it.